I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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