My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
