There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
