Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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