i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
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