just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
