We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
