She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
