she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
