We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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