your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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