Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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