Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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