I think my vagina is haunted
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
