I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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