I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
