is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
