This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
