pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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