You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
