I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
