It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I will pee on everything he values.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
