I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
