I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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