I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize