i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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