good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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