guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
