1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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