I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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