how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Your penis caused this!
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