you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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