I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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