The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
