I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
