Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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