i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
