Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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