Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
