there's paper in my vomit.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
PANTIES FOUND
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