I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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