You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Boobs are out for the taking
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
