his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize