just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize