i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
