Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can't turn off my feet"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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