Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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