If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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