i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
