Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
