I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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