Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
