My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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