I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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