508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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