I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
