He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
