"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
