I hate your face
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
