Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
