people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize