i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My ass is underappreciated
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
