I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
