put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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