What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
