Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.

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(914): View more from New York

he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3

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(732): View more from New Jersey

im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.

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(917): View more from New York City

I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.

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(434): View more from Virginia

Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.

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(786): View more from Florida

You’re not his type

(305): View more from Florida

I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type

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